Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Farmville is her only friend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
