if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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