why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
