First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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