Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
