he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
