i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
