real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
