she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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