i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
