I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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