i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
