he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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