last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
