we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
