dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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