ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
