Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
