I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Randomize