i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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