What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
