just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
