Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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