i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
