Sry I called you an 8
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
