We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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