Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize