maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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