my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
