moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
