franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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