how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
