I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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