that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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