I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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