My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
