My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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