I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
