your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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