How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
