Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm at about main and main street
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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