my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
