i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
