Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
