I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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