Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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