i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
