Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
