woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
