....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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