That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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