apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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