There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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