today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
