I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
