Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
