you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
