Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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