but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
