That's intense
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
