I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dicks are not precious.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
