Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
