seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
