just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize