i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize