They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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